1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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