Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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