nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize