are you still at the devil's house?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
me + whiskey = a bad person
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
