so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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