Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
