Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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