Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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