Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
