Cold hands, warm shart.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
How does one acquire holy water?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
