dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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