I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize