The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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