Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
