God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
