Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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