For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
