Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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