I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
