I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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