Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
