The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
birth control should be required to get into college
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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