shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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