She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You need Xanax blowdarts
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
