JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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