hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize