On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
