If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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