dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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