"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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