If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
