yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
