He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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