So drunk its hurt
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize