your parents love me but you hate me
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
