allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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