I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
