how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
