I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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