the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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