My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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