What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
