everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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