the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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