Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
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