"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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