I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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