I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
