the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
