If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
