You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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