He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
