If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize