Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize