i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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