What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Randomize
