what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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