Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Randomize
