Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
