Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
