no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
