Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
