She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize