oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
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