we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
