You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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