I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
