i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
