It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
