I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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