I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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