she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
