She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize