i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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