I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Randomize
