he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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