so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize