Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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