im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Randomize
