Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
