soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
