I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Holy sore nipples Batman
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
