This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
