I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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