I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
did you just send me my own nude
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
