Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
