Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
