I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize