My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Randomize
