You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
