My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
