I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
