He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
My pussy is not your playground.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
