So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Randomize
