I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
