my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
